Slip Slidin’ Away

January 16th, 2013

I know, it’s been seven months. Seven months! I have a no-shit infant who sleeps and all that, but you know, she was also born, and I don’t want to forget how. So here, seven months later, Allie’s birth story. It’s long. It’s more for me than you. Sorry about that.

God, you guys, I was so uncomfortable. I was big, I was sad and weeping all the time (thanks, antenatal depression!), I was still flipping puking every day, and I had a dairy intolerance so sensitive that if I so much as ate one bite of boxed oatmeal with a little milk powder, I would spend the remainder of the day and into the evening in the bathroom wondering, why? WHY? WHY ME? I had perfected the art of puking while also . . . doing other things, because things were just flying out of everywhere. I threw away multiple garbage cans because I just kept sullying them and it was . . . it was a dark time. I actually keep forgetting that, you know? It wasn’t that long ago, but here I am, looking back on that time with a GOLDEN GLOW.

Haaaa, unless I shat out gold dust, nothing about that time was golden.

“Your body is changing,” my midwife said knowledgeably, as I dutifully reported my bathroom habits. “Those prostaglandins! It’s coming soon!”

I almost punched her, because shut up, I still had three weeks to go.

Sam was a day early, so I was fully expecting Allie to be even earlier and then came my due date — June 4 — and then came the next day and the next, and by Wednesday the 6th, I promised Sam that we’d go to a picnic the next day to celebrate her last day of school, because why not? This baby was coming never. Might as well plan fun things.

The waiting is the worst, am I right? I’d never gone into labor with Sam — my water broke, and contractions never followed, at least not without Pitocin — so I didn’t even know what was going to happen. Frankly, I assumed that the same would happen with Allie, so I just sort of waited and hung about for the inevitable POP! from my unmentionable bits. Labors, as I understand them, are generally protracted affairs. To be clear: I had never experienced a contraction outside of Pitocin, which is ah, painful. You know. Or you don’t. But you might!

And that’s the only explanation I can come up with for the following events. Is my pain threshold that high? Probably. But more likely, I was just used to really painful contractions that did nothing, so I didn’t realize how far along I was until . . . well, you’ll see.

In addition to the myriad gastrointestinal issues, I also had relatively mild symphysis pubis dysfunction, which was basically a lot of pain in the, ah, pubic bone. Honestly, it was fine. Everything else was so crappy that it barely registered. So naturally, when I woke up at 5 a.m. on June 7 with pubic pain, I was just … well, it was pubic pain, you know? Except that I’d been having a dream wherein I was explaining to my high school friend Michele all about childbirth! And while I was explaining this to her, I kept pausing because my crotch was KILLING me, and she finally said, well, maybe you’re in labor and boom, I woke up.

This is a step up from the dream I was having involving Cheech Marin and a kayak when my water broke with Sam.

But you know, contractions. Hooray! They were pretty regular and kind of painful? Maybe? I didn’t know! I didn’t know! I mean, I’d endured eight or nine hours of Pit contractions, which were CRAZY painful, and I’d progressed exactly nowhere, so I just . . . didn’t think it was that big of a deal. A call to the midwife said that I should call back when I was either bleeding or unable to talk through contractions. Sure, I’d lost my mucus plug, but was that . . . bleeding? I didn’t know!

Things got longer, stronger and closer together, sure. But hey, no blood! I could talk just fine! They were 10 minutes apart, sometimes 13, sometimes three! Who the hell knew? I ate a sandwich, figuring a long day of labor would mean that I wouldn’t eat for quite some time. It was 8 a.m., and my sister was on the way just in case she had to pick Sam up from school. Preschool was at 9, and I fully expected to drop Sam off and maaaybe take a leisurely drive to the hospital if I was ready. Adam came home, slightly panicked, but I assured him it was fine! Let’s take Sam to school! No big!

So we did! And my contractions were five minutes apart and the ladies at school were like, heeey, uh, maybe you should go to the hospital? And I talked through the contractions, la la la, and I still wasn’t bleeding, so hey! Long day of labor ahead! But fine, everyone, if you insist, we’ll go to the hospital, but after I pick up a prescription at CVS and grab my paperwork! La la la!


So we drove! To the hospital! La la la! And I responded to an email from TwoBusy at 10:03 a.m. all LA LA LA! We’re fine! Thank you for your offer of help! La la la! En route to the hospital! Stuck behind a truck, no big deal!

And after that, things started to get a little painful? Maybe? But I was stil fine! La la la! And then we pulled into the parking lot at 10:39. This is important, y’all. 10:39 we PARKED THE CAR. I know this because I’d recorded it on my stupid contraction app.

A quick walk to the maternity ward and we had to wait to be checked in after a bunch of rather leisurely-looking pregnant ladies had filled up the one (1) desk to check people in oh my hell. And then I had to pee! La la la! And I hit the restroom and wait, suddenly I didn’t have to pee anymore, I had to poop! SO BAD! Suddenly! Oh, I knew that sandwich was a bad idea! I didn’t want to poop NOW. I was going to have a baby soon! Who wants that area pre-sullied?

It was in that restroom, friends, that things got Very Bad. Because it turns out I did NOT have to poop, I had to push out a baby. And I started wailing, as I was stuck on the toilet, but I didn’t want to have the baby on the toilet, but I’d locked the door, and GOD, it was awful! Suddenly! So much pain! And the urge to push! RIGHT THEN. RIGHT THEN. I HAD TO PUSH RIGHT THEN. On the toilet on the maternity floor in the REGISTRATION BATHROOM. And I started to! As I was making my way off the toilet and to the door, I kept pushing and panicking and holding my crotch (yes, because holding one’s CROTCH keeps the babies in). I opened the door to find Adam looking slightly frantic and I was basically yelling I could NOT wait to be registered and I was going to have the baby! Right then! In the bathroom!

To which his response was basically no shit, I have ears.

You guys, it was 10:44. I’d been there FIVE MINUTES.

The rest is kind of a blur. I was given a rolling bed in a little triage room in the HALLWAY, checked for dilation (HAHAHAHAHA) and it was at this point that I asked for my epidural! “I’m ready for the epidural now!” I announced. The entire room just looked at me, splayed out in my black maxi maternity dress, FitFlops securely on my feet, a full ten centimeters dilated, baby’s head crowning like a mo’ fo’ and the pity was so thick you could spread it on a cracker.

“It’s too late, honey,” my midwife crooned. “By the time they get here, the baby will be out. Do you feel that?” She took my hand and guided it down. “That’s her HEAD. She’s HERE.”

“No! No! I want an epidural! It was my birth plan!” I SAID THAT.

“It’s too late! I’m so sorry.”

[Edited to add that I just remembered that I followed THAT with, “Fentanyl?” HAHAHA. I KEPT ASKING FOR DRUGS. ANY DRUG WOULD DO]

Y’all, I was fucking PISSED. I was also pushing. So, ah, you know, this triage table wasn’t cutting it anymore and you guys, they just WHEELED ME INTO A BIRTHING SUITE and four people picked me up — FULLY DRESSED — and moved me to a different bed while I pushed through each contraction, of which there was a total of maaaaybe three, four? I think it was during the second big one that I flat-out refused to proceed without an epidural. “I’m not doing it!” I pouted. “Well, it’s too late, you ARE doing it,” replied my midwife. It is then that she tells me I grabbed her by the collar, pulled her toward me and spat in her face, “I AM SO PISSED.”

And I guess I was. But it was quickly forgotten, because suddenly, there was little Alexandra, grayish and eerily silent. I got a brief look at her and then, boom, she was gone. Oddly, it wasn’t until after she came out that I ripped off my clothes and I don’t even KNOW WHY, I just did, it was all too much. I was like some weird feral beast.

I also most definitely did that awful guttural scream through each push, all cavewoman-like. Ugh. Retroactive embarrassment. Nice birth, cave lady.

Allie was born at 10:51 a.m. Twelve minutes after we arrived INTO THE PARKING LOT OF THE HOSPITAL. The walk to the maternity ward took up at least three of those minutes, and oh my hell, you guys, I had a baby TWELVE MINUTES after I arrived. TWELVE.

Things got kind of awful after that. As I lay on the table naked and bloody (holy shit, BLOODY), Allie was whisked away to the warming table to be examined and everyone was basically panicked, but trying not to ACT panicked, because she never cried. Oh sure, she appeared to be breathing, but crying? Nope. Apparently her cord was wrapped around her neck multiple times, so they were afraid she had some hypoxia.

Also, there was Surprise Meconium, which is apparently not a good thing, especially when the quiet baby is not crying, and quiet baby has had cord issues AND meconium, AND a super-fast birth AND AND AND. So there I was, bloody and miserable and also NAKED and nurses were pushing on my stomach to deliver the placenta (WHICH I NEVER WANT TO SEE AGAIN THANK YOU) and getting out clots and then stitching me up without an epidural (the worst part) and I WENT THROUGH ALL THAT (FIVE MINUTES OF) SHIT AND I DON’T EVEN GET TO HOLD MY BABY COME ON GIMME BABY.

I think I felt worst for Adam, who was torn between his naked and bloodied wife and his newborn daughter, and both were, frankly, pretty dissatisfied at the moment. But he stayed with Allie and I’m glad he did, because she was alone over there, while nurses poked and prodded and waited for the neonatologists to come down, and there was NICU talk and blaaah, I know, really, that it’s no big deal in the scheme of things, but it sucked in that moment, being naked and bloody and not holding your baby and hearing they might take her away even further was just . . . not what I wanted to hear, and maybe that makes me bratty, but I wanted my baby NOW. Finally, after declaring all of her vital signs beyond excellent, she was declared fine, just disinterested in crying.

And I got to hold my baby.

I can now report that she is still totally disinterested in crying. Turns out that’s just who she is, at least so far.

Man, I love this kid. She’s easy and magical and beautiful and cheerful all the time, I mean ALWAYS with the cheerful, you guys. Always.

Perhaps it’s that she was born in a maxi dress? PERHAPS.




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Entry Filed under: Alex the Grace,Pregnancy,Teh Second Baby

70 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Doing My Best  |  January 16th, 2013 at 11:12 pm

    She is so beautiful =)! What an incredible birth story!

  • 2. Shauna  |  January 16th, 2013 at 11:18 pm

    I don’t comment often but I follow you on Twitter, and oh man, I just love Allie. I hope that doesn’t sound weird because I’m a stranger, but she is just the cutest thing ever. I feel like I’m a pretty cold person (hah) because looking at most babies/cute things are usually just ‘meh’ for me, but whenever you post a picture of Allie I literally smile! She is actually melting my cold heart!
    Also, I can’t stand when people think a short birth = easier. Um, no! There is totally a marathon vs sprint comparison in there.

  • 3. Sourire11  |  January 16th, 2013 at 11:18 pm

    WOW. That is one hell of a birth story. Twelve minutes??? I… wow.

    It’s amazing how they are who they are going to be immediately. She’s just disinterested in crying! I love that. My kid refused to flip and was delivered posterior. Almost 4 years later and she’s still one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever known.

  • 4. Jesabes  |  January 16th, 2013 at 11:28 pm

    That sounds like not exactly the best labor ever, but it IS the best labor/birth STORY ever. I love it. Seven months later and I love it even more.

  • 5. Carrie (in MN)  |  January 16th, 2013 at 11:32 pm

    Love this line: “the pity was so thick you could spread it on a cracker.” You poor thing – I would’ve been pissed too. So happy it all turned out well and resulted in Happiest Baby Ever.

  • 6. Ginger  |  January 16th, 2013 at 11:35 pm

    You know, I had sort of figured most of this out based on things you’ve said on Twitter, but the missing pieces really do fill the story in nicely.

    I think you and Allie are both superheroes for getting through the whole thing the way you did. You in particular, you’re kind of my hero.

    And damn, it totally made me cry when you said that Adam stayed with her so she was never alone. J was a c-section, and so I wasn’t able to be with him for a couple of hours, and about the only thing that made that bearable was knowing that N.C. was with him the whole time. These dads, they do good, ya know?

  • 7. Rocky  |  January 17th, 2013 at 12:04 am

    oh JONNA. Max read me this whole thing out loud and I laughed all the way through it because of course you made it hilarious. But Jesus, no WONDER you were pissed.

  • 8. Max  |  January 17th, 2013 at 12:07 am

    Ohhh man, Jonna, HOLY SHIT. That sounds fucking traumatic. I am so glad Allie & you & your family are all here & well & happy & whole. (ALL THE ANDS) Feel what you feel, even when those feelings conflict… Allie’s perfect & cheery but that was still tough & nothing like you anticipated.

    So much love to you both!!

  • 9. Katie  |  January 17th, 2013 at 12:14 am

    The title slays me.

    What a story. I cannot imagine surviving labor without an epidural. For that, I take my hat off to you.

  • 10. Lauren  |  January 17th, 2013 at 12:39 am

    The labor did not sound fun at all, but it really does make for a great birth story. Absolutely hilarious, especially the part when you grab the midwife and proclaim that you are so pissed (I would have been too if I couldnt have an epidural). Also, I totally sympathize on the scariness of a baby who doesn’t cry right after birth. Mine didn’t cry either, and I was lying there on the operating table terrified that something horrible was wrong because babies are supposed to cry, right? It turned out that my baby, like Allie, was just not a crier, but when you don’t know that yet, it’s darn scary. So glad for you that Allie turned out so healthy and happy!

  • 11. agirlandaboy  |  January 17th, 2013 at 1:14 am

    I love her. I love you. I love that you pouted for your epidural. Long live the Maxi Dress Birth!

  • 12. Mrs. Commoner  |  January 17th, 2013 at 4:15 am

    I’m so glad you posted this! My favorite parts: “I have ears” & “it’s my birth plan!”

    I’m so glad everything turned out ok and beautiful Allie is doing so well.

  • 13. Melissa  |  January 17th, 2013 at 8:15 am

    As someone who is 35 weeks today ( and has had a previous emergency c/s at 36 weeks with no labor at all), this is the kind of thing that keeps me up at night. How long would I have if contractions start? Yes, I have a kid, but what does labor feel like (apparently they monitored me at my c/s and I was regularly contacting? Felt nothing!)? When should I pack my bag? I work an hour long train ride away – what do I do if something happens at work or -Jesus Christ – on the commuter train with infrequent stops?

  • 14. Melissa  |  January 17th, 2013 at 8:16 am

    Sorry…I didn’t mean to hijack….

    Finishing up, A is so, so beautiful. CongratulAtions!

  • 15. EmilysHollow  |  January 17th, 2013 at 8:29 am

    Oh yay! I’ve been excited since you mentioned you were working on writing this up!

    When I had Xander, I had the same fun “false” labor for weeks, and the only way I knew it was time was because my water broke. Then I insisted on staying home until the doctor mandated 2 hours had passed. Then I got to triage and was crowning. I was so afraid they wouldn’t believe me so I kept telling them “I have to poop!” because I remembered from my labor class that THAT was how they described the urge to push. HA HA HA. Oh, charming. Then the nurse caught the baby because the on call doctor was so sure it wasn’t time for me yet. FOOL.

    Anyway. YAY for Allie! And, you know, fast births have their challenges, but they’re also kind of great in a way. Or I thought. I mean. Could I have done hours (days!!) of that pain? NO WAY, MAN.

    Also, “no shit, I have ears.” HA HA HA. Nice.

  • 16. Hillary  |  January 17th, 2013 at 9:16 am

    Allie so adorable!

    Having her that quickly must have been intense. I found labor to be a surreal experience, particularly since Pitocin and mag sulfate were battling for control of my muscles the whole time, but at least I had time to get an epidural and I don’t know, prepare myself mentally. Not that I had any idea what was actually coming.

  • 17. H  |  January 17th, 2013 at 9:23 am

    I love your posts! “La la la!” That makes me laugh as I hear it in my head with a particular set of tones and rhythm. “La la la!”

    Also: Allie makes me smile. Her expressions are priceless!

  • 18. Kimber  |  January 17th, 2013 at 9:34 am

    I was on maternity leave with my little guy, and I “reading” this go down on Twitter. OMG. Have been waiting for 7 months to read this! Congratulations!

  • 19. Lori  |  January 17th, 2013 at 9:59 am

    Allie is adorable. I smile every time I see a picture of her. My third just turned 9 months and I still occassionaly marvel that I didn’t have her in my bed at home. The nurse caught the baby about 5 seconds after I laid down on the bed in the delivery room. I did wait long enough to get the hospital gown on, but not long enough for the on call doc to arrive.

    You had a scare with Allie’s health, but when that all settled down, weren’t you happy it was so fast? I’d had to be induced with my two other pregnancies and that’s such a long, drawn-out process. The recovery was so much easier this time around and once the shock wore off, everything was just so much calmer and more pleasant.

    Congrats on Allie!

  • 20. anne nahm  |  January 17th, 2013 at 10:18 am

    Aww! She’s beautiful! Loved your post.

  • 21. laura  |  January 17th, 2013 at 10:44 am

    Thank you for sharing!! That face is Beautiful :)

  • 22. Jess  |  January 17th, 2013 at 10:44 am

    I LOVE THIS. Also I knew all of the first part (thank you Twitter) but somehow didn’t realize about the non-crying and taking-away thing, which also happened to Callum, and it’s interesting because I never made the connection but you are totally right, he is also a child who is not interested in crying and never was, right from the start. Huh.

  • 23. Issa  |  January 17th, 2013 at 11:02 am

    I love this. Possibly because it’s highly similar to my second birth story. I was super pissed about the drugs too.

    For what it’s worth? My happy easy never cried infant grew into a happy easy toddler who could entertain herself for hours on end and THEN she grew into a happy big kid. She’s still like that at eight years old. It’s pretty awesome.

  • 24. nonsequiturchica  |  January 17th, 2013 at 11:04 am

    Holy crap that is quite a birth story!!

  • 25. Julie  |  January 17th, 2013 at 11:13 am

    That is the best birth story ever. EVER.

  • 26. Kristabella  |  January 17th, 2013 at 11:27 am

    Oh, thank you so much for sharing this! I’ve been wanting to hear the whole thing since the day she was born. In the maxi dress!

    She is my favorite! I love her! (And you!)

  • 27. Christy  |  January 17th, 2013 at 11:35 am

    Oh, Jonna. That was the best birth story ever. So many great lines: “It was my birth plan!”, “Nice birth, cave lady.” I was laughing hysterically reading this. And then at the end seeing sweet Allie’s face, I teared up. Because she is oh so worth it.

  • 28. Jaida  |  January 17th, 2013 at 11:35 am

    Man, what a WILD story!! After an emergency c-section with my first, I am a schedule repeat C patient and as such will never have an experience like this. C-section is no picnic but I am in AWE of women laboring and birthing, and especially without drugs.

    Forgive me for prying, but I am curious about your mentioning antepartum depression. I think I recall you saying you were going to stay on meds, did you decide to wean in 3rd trimester? I’m asking because I am 13 weeks with #3 and currently on Zoloft with the blessing of my OB (wasn’t on it yet with #1 or 2). I’m considering a 3rd trimester wean but I’m concerned about managing the last few months. On the other hand, I’m concerned about dealing with a newborn in withdrawal. If you are at all willing to share your story I’d be so grateful. There just isn’t a lot of anecdotal stuff out there that isn’t full of The Crazy.

    Happy to see you posting again!

  • 29. jonniker  |  January 17th, 2013 at 11:45 am

    Jaida: I stayed on my meds throughout my pregnancy and got antenatal depression anyway. I suspect I should have upped my dose, but like an idiot, I didn’t realize HOW depressed I was until it was all over. HOWEVER, I also think it would have been hard for me NOT to be depressed in those circumstances. I mean, I threw up every day for nine months. My body was a physical train wreck.

    I didn’t wean, because my midwife and PCP (oddly, my primary care physician is a professor in maternal medicine) were both in HUGE favor of staying on throughout and that the risks of depression in the third tri were waaaay worse than any withdrawal. And honestly, Allie had none. My understanding is that withdrawal is a transient, atypical issue.

    I wish I’d gone on a higher dose, though. I wish I’d recognized the signs earlier, and that my midwife was more hands-on and less willing to defer to my PCP, who I almost never saw during pregnancy.

  • 30. Christine  |  January 17th, 2013 at 11:53 am

    It’s okay to love an Internet friend who you’ve never met, right? Because I love you and your family lots. I love your pre-delivery dream (although I think the Cheech one might be even better), I love that you told your midwife that you were so pissed and I LOVE Allie’s sweet face. So happy for you all.

  • 31. shin ae  |  January 17th, 2013 at 11:54 am

    You are so fantastic.

    As I mentioned on Twitter, I had a similar experience with my second, as did my mother. Those second babies!

    I also did the cavewoman yelling. In between yells, my sweet, demure midwife cooed at me (actually, her last name was Dove), “Good birthing sounds, Shin Ae.” In that moment, I felt like I would kill her. As soon as I got the baby out of the way. And I do remember yelling repeatedly, “GET IT OUT OF MEEEEEE.”


    Anyhow, this story was so much fun to read. And of course, your daughter is just adorable.

  • 32. Artemisia  |  January 17th, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    Oh, my lord, I am laughing so hard right now. I am also feeling shitty, because you LIVED this, and I am laughing, all happy with my vagina completely intact.

    But this is also so AWESOME. I cannot imagine. I truly cannot imagine giving birth – and poof! A new human is here. (It is pretty easy to blow my mind.)

    Also: your post title is PERFECTION.

  • 33. Auntie G  |  January 17th, 2013 at 12:20 pm

    What a terrific (…ally horrifying and hilarious) story. Just wanted to chime in that, while I didn’t give birth in a maxidress the second time around, I too:
    1) was expecting another early birth, AND SO WERE MY DAMN DOCTORS
    2) had no idea what “real” labor felt like, because my first labor started with my water breaking, and the only contractions I ever felt were the DEVIL’S PITOCIN CONTRACTIONS. Which completely erased any good feelings I had about my personal strength or ability to withstand pain. GAWD.

  • 34. KeraLinnea  |  January 17th, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    BWAHAHA..”Nice birth, cave lady.” Oh my god, I am laughing, I am crying…this was so awesomely written. I am torn between being wildly amused by the way you told this, and being so sorry for poor you, all bewildered and wanting an epidural or ANYTHING.
    Just a silly thought that popped into my head…do you ever wonder if all the pregnant women waiting to check in were like ” Oh sure, the baby’s coming…just wait in line like the rest of us, jesus.” I would worry about that, but I have huge fears about being seen as pushy. Erm, no pun intended there.
    Also, Allie is crazy cute. That smile! Those cheeks!

  • 35. Sarah  |  January 17th, 2013 at 1:24 pm

    I have been waiting for this story for awhile, too. And man was it worth it! I had known it was fast, and that you started pushing in the bathroom, but I didn’t realize it was just a maternity floor bathroom and not the bathroom of your own hospital room. Which I assumed you had already been admitted into, and given a gown, and ETC. I had no idea it happened THAT fast! Wow. Wow wow. You and Allie and Adam get huge props and also shock/awe from me!
    Thanks for telling the story, which uh, definitely is worth of being retold many times.
    Also, at my first delivery we had baby concerns and she was away from me for about half an hour. And I had started with the gushing blood and so I had a team of nurses with me and a team with her and poor Jim just kept darting back and forth between us, looking so worried.
    It wasn’t exactly what I had imagined when sitting around dreamily “visualizing” myself handling birth. Eventually we got to that point of me holding the swaddled baby and Jim hovering over us smiling and taking pictures, but it didn’t happen as immediately following birth as I had hoped. With other, subsequent births we got that, but not that time. And you know what? It was fine. And she was my actually one of my happiest, easiest babies, despite not getting the initial skin-to-skin and bonding and what not. So that was nice to learn, too, that when it comes to birth, sometimes you just get what you get and you don’t throw a fit. So to speak.
    Congratulations, belatedly, on your cave woman birth and your beautiful baby!

  • 36. HereWeGoAJen  |  January 17th, 2013 at 1:33 pm

    I’m still mad at you for having a baby while I was in Mexico with no internet, so it is ABOUT TIME you wrote this.


  • 37. Cari  |  January 17th, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    I love this. “Nice birth, Cave lady.” I made the same noises while squatting in the hospital bed. The doctor walks in and says, “What’s going on here?” like he’s never seen anyone having a baby before.
    Thank you for sharing. I adore birth stories.

  • 38. Portia  |  January 17th, 2013 at 3:39 pm

    This is such a terrific story. I mean, not to experience, but the retelling is great. And pictures of Allie are always a delight.

  • 39. Jaida  |  January 17th, 2013 at 5:31 pm

    Oh, thank you so much for sharing that with me. I have also had opinions from my doctors that staying on is much less risky, and also that it doesn’t really matter what dose you’re on.

    Hell, if taking antidepressants through the third trimester got you a baby like Allie, I’m all for it! :)

    Seriously, thanks for being willing to share. It’s a good reminder to me to check in with myself regularly regardless of what I decide about the meds.

  • 40. twobusy  |  January 17th, 2013 at 7:09 pm

    Little did I suspect – when I emailed you back at 10:33am that morning to say “Go forth and be babylicious” – that you were only 18 minutes away from completing the task.


  • 41. Dorie  |  January 17th, 2013 at 7:12 pm

    Great story! I’m always surprised how much I still enjoy a good birth story after birthing three of my own.

    My 2nd was a super fast delivery. He landed on the bed, no one there to catch him despite my screaming to the nurses that he was coming. I was GBS positive, no time for anti-biotics, and there was meconium. I was sure we were going to lose him. Somehow, he was fine. I think I have a little PTSD from the birth because six years later I still worry about his health and well-being much more than that of his siblings. I still feel like I’m going to lose him.

  • 42. Suzanne  |  January 17th, 2013 at 10:04 pm

    This is my favorite birth story. I had another friend have a baby in a similar manner just after you and I remember thinking WHY didn’t MY second labor happen so fast! I’m so JEALOUS. But really, no. Just…no. I liked my epidural and none of my maxi dresses seem appropriate for birthing.

    She’s so adorable I almost can’t stand it.

  • 43. Squorkymama  |  January 17th, 2013 at 11:48 pm

    I’m typically a blog/twitter lurker, but I had to thank you (and Allie) for the great story. I would have pouted for my epidural, too, dammit.

  • 44. Veronica  |  January 18th, 2013 at 12:31 am

    DUDE. Dude. My second birth was eerily similar, if slightly faster.

    My water broke and I had to wait for my mother to come sit with Amy. I live an hour from the hospital. It took my mother 45 minutes to get here because hey, labour takes a while, right? Uh, no. I went into hard labour immediately after the water broke.

    Hubby drove super fast and we made the 50+ minute trip in 20 minutes. I was ready to push 30km from the hospital and trying not to.

    We got to the hospital at 7.02pm and I was pushing in the carpark. Hubby ran and got me a wheelchair and got us up to Maternity, whereupon the midwife looked at me and asked if I really needed the wheelchair. I nearly threw things at her. Luckily they must have seen in my face how close things were because they took me to a birthing suite immediately.

    Isaac was born at 7.15pm. Entire labour start to finish was 90 minutes.

  • 45. Veronica  |  January 18th, 2013 at 12:33 am

    Which, also, I should add after re-reading my comment – fast labours are not necessarily a good thing. Evie’s labour was MUCH calmer and that was around 5 hours.

  • 46. Elsha  |  January 18th, 2013 at 5:44 pm

    Jonna, your birth story is both awesome and terrifying.

  • 47. Mickie Higdon  |  January 19th, 2013 at 2:22 am

    Bless you for taking a few minutes to publish this. I do believe that there are more desirable solutions.

  • 48. Louise  |  January 20th, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    she is so cute.

  • 49. Sarah Park  |  January 21st, 2013 at 5:57 pm

    Cute, little baby you got! You are so luck Allie was cooperative not to give you headaches during labor.

  • 50. jive turkey  |  January 22nd, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    GODDAMN I love birth stories, and this was awesome. Also: “Ugh. Retroactive embarrassment. Nice birth, cave lady” made me LOL at work.

    Allie is so ridiculously cute. Thanks for sharing your story, EVEN IF it makes me want to go out and have, like 235 more kids RIGHT NOW.

  • 51. Jessica  |  January 23rd, 2013 at 6:16 pm

    I didn’t have time for the epidural, mostly my fault because I wanted to go as long as possible without, and I remember asking for Fentanyl at the end, when they told me I couldn’t have the epidural. Denied! But I did have time for numbing shots and that was amazing.

    I am in awe of how much you block out post-labor. It was hard, and painful, but I’d totally do it again and then curse myself for it even though the reward is awesome and you forget the pain!

  • 52. drwindle  |  January 25th, 2013 at 1:28 am

    So here, seven months later, Allie’s birth story. It’s long. It’s more for me than you. Sorry about that.

  • 53. Lindsay  |  January 25th, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    I love your birth story. You do realize how badass your story makes you? I can’t even imagine how intense that experience was (I had a quick labor but NOT THAT QUICK) but from another person’s birds-eye-view perspective, you are one badass. (Wow, typing out “badass” makes me realize how 90s it is.)

  • 54. Farrell  |  January 31st, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    I LOVE labor stories! Love them! And I LOVE labor. Yes I know, it’s weird but seriously I would totally have another kid if someone could CARRY the child for me and I just had to give birth! Because the labor part is amazing and the pregnancy part is HELL. A full 10 (it’s 10, not 9) months of hell only I had only 8 months of hell because my daughter came so early that I too missed my epidural! I too was in labor for 24 hours without knowing it and WORKED AN ENTIRE DAY and also WENT OUT TO EAT and also BOUGHT MY MOM A CAR WHILE I WAS IN LABOR oh you should have seen that poor car salesman guy and guess what? The ENTIRE TIME I WAS IN LABOR MY OWN MOTHER DIDN’T BELIEVE I WAS IN LABOR!
    Full story here

    Anyway, thank you for sharing – I laughed so hard I peed my pants!

  • 55. mattressdirectwarehouse  |  February 7th, 2013 at 3:08 am

    we’ll go to the hospital, but after I pick up a prescription at CVS and grab my paperwork! La la la!

  • 56. As I remember it – &hellip  |  February 25th, 2013 at 10:07 pm

    […] just read Jonna’s blog post about Allie’s birth. It brought me back to that day, nearly nine months ago, and made me realize that I never recorded […]

  • 57. Erin G @ebum1101  |  February 26th, 2013 at 11:16 am

    God I love birth stories. (I read Adam’s version too. So sweet.)

    I also begged for an epidural at 10cm. :)

    Your feral clothes-ripping post delivery is the best little bit of this story, to me. (Besides happy healthy daughter and all that, obvs.)

  • 58. cpa  |  March 4th, 2013 at 6:05 am

    I had a baby TWELVE MINUTES after I arrived. TWELVE.

  • 59. Kasie Lundberg  |  March 23rd, 2013 at 3:20 am

    […] just read Jonna’s blog post about Allie’s birth. It brought me back to that day, nearly nine months ago, and made me realize that I never recorded […]

  • 60. Margert Falls  |  April 9th, 2013 at 2:36 am

    […] just read Jonna’s blog post about Allie’s birth. It brought me back to that day, nearly nine months ago, and made me realize that I never recorded […]

  • 61. Lavonna Stamm  |  June 7th, 2013 at 1:43 am

    we’ll go to the hospital, but after I pick up a prescription at CVS and grab my paperwork! La la la!

  • 62. Electric transmission texas  |  June 10th, 2013 at 3:14 am

    I was basically yelling I could NOT wait to be registered and I was going to have the baby! Right then! In the bathroom!

  • 63. plan to manage accidents  |  June 11th, 2013 at 2:33 am

    Max read me this whole thing out loud and I laughed all the way through it because of course you made it hilarious. But Jesus, no WONDER you were pissed.

  • 64. reseller hosting  |  June 11th, 2013 at 3:28 am

    Bless you for taking a few minutes to publish this. I do believe that there are more desirable solutions.

  • 65. 40 weeks » snoozica&hellip  |  June 19th, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    […] we should go in, because wow it hurt a lot, and I didn’t want to have a lobby baby like Jonna or Erica, even though I wasn’t sure because the contractions were still only every 5 […]

  • 66. how to stop hair fall  |  June 22nd, 2013 at 6:27 am

    This kind of Web site to add, for the report will be restored. Actually, I found exactly my partner and I’ve looked at the place before the unit did not occur.

  • 67. tech schools  |  June 25th, 2013 at 2:58 am

    just read Jonna’s blog post about Allie’s birth. It brought me back to that day, nearly nine months ago, and made me realize that I never recorded

  • 68. New York City guide  |  June 26th, 2013 at 2:34 am

    This is a great article and I will visit your blog regularly for some latest post.

  • 69. How to Become a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant)  |  June 27th, 2013 at 3:53 am

    Apparently her cord was wrapped around her neck multiple times, so they were afraid she had some hypoxia.

  • 70. fireplace mantels orange county  |  June 27th, 2013 at 6:18 am

    So that was nice to learn, too, that when it comes to birth, sometimes you just get what you get and you don’t throw a fit. So to speak.

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