Posts filed under 'I Love Television'
This is how it goes, sleep with kids: It’s bad. It gets better! It’s bad again. It’s bearable. It’s unbearable! It’s perfect. It’s the worst thing ever. I’m well rested! I may never sleep again.
It’s all surprisingly bearable in the scheme of things, but when it isn’t, it kind of sucks. Sam has three (3) teeth coming in at once, and I can see them — all three of them — lurking just beneath the surface, and … urkkkk. This is in addition to the one she cut last week, which was … urrrkkk. Plus, there’s um, a yeast diaper rash (urrrkkkk), which I left to quite literally fester for a few weeks, thinking that if I applied enough Desitin, it would just! go! away!, which led to a super-itchy crotch, I AM SURE and … well, what you have here is the reason I went back to bed during her morning nap just about every day this week, waking from a facedown position on a drool-soaked pillow and wanting just! eight! more! hours!
Urrrkkk.
Friday bullets, with a question!
- One of my favorite things about the Internet is that finally — finally! — there are other people who have seen the most random, ridiculous movies and television shows I did as a kid. It’s so … VALIDATING, in a way I can’t properly explain. Grease 2 is no longer the embarrassing secret it once was, and I now believe there are many OTHER people who can sing the words to “Let’s Bowl!” (“Hey Paulette, take a look over here! I’m your kingpin, honey, and I’m gettin’ in gear!” — Johnny Nogerelli, sung whilst doing some sort of weird split-type dance on his knees) Other discoveries: The Electric Grandmother (thanks, TJ!), The Worst Witch and others who were ALSO obsessed with The Dark Crystal. Oh, Internet. You are my people.
(Related: I could not — still cannot — figure out the fake love triangle of Stephanie, Paulette and Johnny. Was Stephanie still considered his chick? Why was Paulette so bitter? Yes, they just broke up, but there seemed to be something more, because she couldn’t be a Pink Lady without being a T-Bird chick and …? Oh, the politics of T-Birds and Pink Ladies! So complex!)
– American Idol. They’re all terrible. Ellen is awkward and terrible, and I LOVE Ellen, but not like this. There’s a shark in the water and American Idol just leaped right over it.
– Have you ever walked away from a friendship because of something not done to you personally, but was still morally repugnant? I’m wrestling with this right now, and I’ve done it once before, though I don’t think I knew it at the time. The historical example is this: A longtime friend of mine was always a little, um, mercenary, I guess, and a bit on the morally ambiguous side when it came to financial gain. And cheap! She was always so cheap, and in that awkward, Is She Trying to Rip Me Off? kind of way. You know this way, yes? Like, they’re always trying to screw you on the bill in group dinners by throwing in a few bucks without ever looking at the bill? That kind of thing, but … well, sometimes a lot worse and more insidious, and CONSTANT.
Anyway! So! Fast forward several years of this known behavior and she’s hit by a car. I know! A car! And it was deemed a total (TOTAL) accident due to freak solar glare and really, she was fine, save for a few minor injuries. Yes, it was traumatizing but it was an ACCIDENT and … oh man, you guys, the dude who hit her was all broken up about it. He paid her medical bills, visited her in the hospital and cried his face off every time he saw her, apologizing all the time. He was such a mess over it, and made so many offers for reparations. He was a FATHER and oh he … well, he was HEARTBROKEN. I felt so bad for him, because it could have been anyone, honestly.
And she was fine and happy and everything was fine and then she heard through a friend of hers that someone she knew sued someone after a motorcycle accident and got enough money for a down payment on a house! And she could always use more money and … well.
She sued him for pain and suffering and it was just! so! awful! I’m all for suing when you’ve actually SUFFERED or suing, say, an unrepentant asshole who was negligent, but when you’re essentially ruining someone else’s life for nothing more than money, I … well, as it turned out, I was done with her. I never looked at her the same and we’re not friends anymore. It just slowly fell apart, and we slowly grew apart, but when I look back on it, that was the turning point. I couldn’t tolerate her anymore. I couldn’t be friends with someone who would do something so selfish and awful.
So! I’m faced with a similar situation. Something not done to me, but something I find just as repulsive, and I’m not sure I can go on. Has this ever happened to you?
(Unrelated: Every time I hear the statement, “Has this ever happened to you?” I automatically fill it with, “You lost a friend because you got a boring doorbell?”)
Happy Friday!
*Mos Def. Oh, you guys. I LOVE Mos Def. I have such a CRUSH on Mos Def, and I want to put him in my pocket and carry him around.
February 25th, 2010
When it comes to motherhood/kids, I think I’m pretty reasonable. I get why people don’t have them — really, I do — and it’s a choice I almost made and would have been quite happy with. It’s not for everyone, and there are plenty of people who have children who shouldn’t have, and plenty who want to, but can’t, and that’s impossibly hard. And there are plenty more who just don’t want to, because their life is full with something else, or frankly, they just don’t like kids. Which is totally fine! FINE! I mean it.
And I KNOW that my kid isn’t the center of the universe, and that while *I* think she’s beautiful and smart and interesting and funny, YOU don’t share those sentiments, and with perfectly good reason! She’s NOT YOUR KID! She’s just a kid like every other kid and no single kid is special, or at least, I like to think they ALL are, but not to people who don’t know them. If that makes sense.
HOWEVAH. My kid is a person, you know. So if she’s waving at you and smiling and clearly trying to say “HIII!” to you while you’re standing next to me, acknowledging ME, would it kill you to extend the same courtesy to her? And if she’s in a room with a bunch of adults, just do me a favor and SAY HELLO to her, and acknowledge that she’s IN THE ROOM. I mean, you wouldn’t do that to another grown-up, would you? No one’s asking you to sit on the floor and play with her, but if she’s grinning at you and waving, just SAY FUCKING HI. Yes, yes, I KNOW she’s only a baby, but see also: human being. Plus, this is how she learns how social interactions work. After you say hello, you can go back to your business. You don’t have to make goo-goo eyes at her, you don’t have to wave a toy in front of her, just acknowledge her existence with a simple hello.
I know that sounds like a crazy rant, but it happens all the time! Her little waving arms and a big old “HIIII!” in a tiny, baby-speak voice as she waits for the other person to acknowledge her, and then they just GLARE at her, like she pooped on their shoe, and it’s … it’s rude. Kids aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but they’re still people.
I can’t believe I just wrote that, but it happened yet again in the grocery store today, when Sam waved at the lady in front of us and said “Hi!” (it’s rudimentary, but she’s learning!) and the woman shot her a look that could wilt America’s gardens while saying HELLO TO ME. And it happens like, ONCE A WEEK.
Speaking of Sam, one of her little friends likes her a, um, whole lot, and is always trying to hug her — he’s two and a half to Sam’s 11 months, for reference. While at my girlfriend’s house the other day, he kept lying on top of her, hugging her and kissing her, and once — no, TWICE — he (literally) lured her into his bedroom to lay on top of her some more, and SHUT THE DOOR. Worse, he became angry and agitated when I wanted him to leave it open. And EVERY TIME I OPENED IT, he was on top of her. I know, I know, he’s TWO AND A HALF, but how lame am I that I was all, hey, kid? Stop rubbing yourself all over my daughter and LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN.
Am proving to be not as reasonable a parent as I proclaimed to be at the outset, right? Or is that creepy and I’m being TOTALLY REASONABLE?
Btw, I’m on a Pioneer Woman cooking kick, and though I had some early failures, I’ve since revisited recipes I’ve tried before and didn’t like, and loved every last one of them. Linguine with chicken thighs. Lasagna. Chicken spaghetti. Pork loin. Flank steak. WIN. WIN. WIN. WIN.
And finally, Real Housewives of Orange County. What the everloving FUCK, Lynne? Oh, these women! They’re so awful, every last one of them. Zero redeeming qualities whatsoever. And their KIDS. OH MY STARS. Lynne’s daughters are DISASTERS and she has no idea how to parent whatsoever, my God. It’s just an effing TRAINWRECK all around. A RIVETING TRAINWRECK. And yet? I love them. I love Gretchen so very much, I don’t care if she takes pictures of herself with vibrators up her ass and puts them on the Internet. I LOVE HER. I CANNOT BE CONVINCED THAT SHE IS EVIL.
Happy week! Not sure when I’ll see you again, but I’m sure I will.
*MGMT
January 31st, 2010
A brief weekend update to what I alluded to on my last entry, this time with purpose!
About a month ago, Jennie mentioned her company was doing an upcoming anthology on True Blood. And people, you KNOW how I feel about True Blood, considering it’s the only show I’ve seen in its entirety more than twice since the Golden Girls. Ergo, and perhaps totally unsurprisingly, she suggested I submit a topic to the editor, and I did, and surprisingly, they accepted it.
The first time my words will be in something bound and it’s about … vampires and sex. Fitting! Anyway, I’m obviously very excited and can now totally come out with it (and out with Jennie, now that she’s outed herself). We’re all out! And proud! Or something.
The point of this is that the anthology is announced (it’s being released in June, with at least two or three updates on the essay from me throughout the third season), and you can go vote on the cover.
If you’re wondering, by the way, if my essay is on the sexy beast that is Eric and why/how/whatthefuck Alexander Skarsgard was thinking with those purported silicone back implants, you’re wrong. My essay is about Bill. BILL! I know! I didn’t see that one coming either, but it seems I have STRONG FEELINGS on what Alan Ball and Stephen Moyer are doing to Bill, and by association, Sookie, and folks, it’s not good. (SOOKEH! BEEEEL!)
Separately, Smart Pop Books are fantastic, you guys, and I’m not just saying that. I’ve contributed to a lot of things here and there and just taken the money and ran without making a thing of it, because the product (other than my brilliant contribution, of course), has sucked. These, however? Are beyond awesome. If you’re a fan of Television Without Pity or any of the recapping sites, you’ll love these. They have all the wit and smarts, plus deeper analysis. I’m not sure what they were thinking when they agreed to let me write for them. My personal favorite, if you were wondering, is the Charmed one (oh a pun!), which makes the series seem smart and a total win for feminism, meaning I no longer beat myself up for all those hours I spent parked in front of TNT while pregnant. Charmed! Who knew? And Lost! The Lost one is great, too. I’m sure the rest of them are ALSO spectacular, but a) I haven’t gotten to read them all yet; and b) I’m not a fan of all the shows/products they cover, so some of them won’t mean that much to me yet.
I’m not kidding. There is an entire brilliant essay on why the producers of Charmed were BALLS OUT to kill off Prue and I ATE IT UP, because it was SO TRUE and suddenly I didn’t feel so cheated by the way they just left us all dangling there with the whole Shax Did-He-Or-Didn’t-He thing.
Anyway. That’s the scoop. I’m writing and posting now in a separate post not to make a big thing of it intentionally, but because the poll is only up for the weekend, and I want to know what you think. I have an opinion of course, but I’ll save it for the very end.
Happy weekend!
January 29th, 2010
So there was a time, once, when I considered myself to be a smart person. Then, sadly, I took the Jeopardy online test and was rendered a drooling cro magnon, because GEEZUZ, you guys, that shit is HARD. How is it possible that a show — a show I consistently ROCK, I hasten to add — can be so DISCERNING in its search for contestants?
The format is this: they just start THROWING questions at you — oh, excuse me, ANSWERS, which is such Jeopardy bullshit — and you have fifteen seconds to answer them, and oh. Oh dear. I couldn’t even figure out that there were categories until it was too late, and look, I’m just going to say that during one particularly horrific, panic-stricken moment there was a clue about some desert that Chile and Peru are (were?) fighting over, and I misread it as dessert, as in who was claiming … origin, maybe? And I just typed, “CREME BRULEE” because THAT sure sounds Chilean, don’t you think?
What I’m telling you is that you should not expect to look for me on Jeopardy anytime soon, and that if you DO know someone who is on Jeopardy who does not wear a pocket protector and/or spend their entire days studying obscure facts about Russian politicians of the 18th century, you should be in fucking AWE.
CREME BRULEE.
Bullets! Because I am tired:
– LOST is back on next Tuesday for the final season. Lost! LOST LOST LOST LOST. And I am hopeful that it will be fraught with lots of JACOB, because I find Jacob weirdly attractive, even though the first time we were introduced to Jacob — or rather, the actor who PLAYS Jacob — was when he was Rita’s abusive husband in the first (second?) season of Dexter. And it will be, sadly, the last time we see Sayid in character. So much hotness. So little time left.
– Few things seem less pointless to me than giving up caffeine or salt. I realize that for some people, they are unhealthy habits, but you will pry the salt shaker from my cold, dead hands (or when high blood pressure kicks in, whichever comes first) and dude, coffee has ANTIOXIDANTS, no kidding, and the health benefits far outweigh the risks, in my opinion. (And several medical professionals as well.) Further, when I recently saw green tea recommended as a substitute for caffeinated beverages and coffee, it was all I could do not to laugh, because yes, green tea is good for you, but, um, it is caffeinated. Highly so. So while yes, green tea is awesome, I must heartily and happily say that, hey, coffee is, too.
This bullet point sponsored by Keurig. (NOT REALLY.) (I ONLY WISH.) (KEURIG, CALL ME. WILL SHILL FOR K-CUPS.)
– I’ve been holding out on you with my most inappropriate, odd crush, and I can’t keep it in any more. You know those Free Credit Report commercials? With the jingle? And the guy in the, um, mullet? Him. Yes, him. I find him strangely attractive, particularly in the most recent ANNIVERSARY ad, if you will, and … oh forget it, it’s too awful to elaborate on, but yes, Free Credit Guy, this one’s for you.
– An update on the Pampers situation: They gave me my money back. And, uh, frankly, it was a little too easy, which means THEY KNOW. They know the new Cruisers suck and they’re BUYING US OFF. I’m onto you Pampers! I should start a crazy-ass campaign/crusade and act like a total lunatic on Twitter and start a Facebook group and comment in baby forums about how PAMPERS CONSIDERS ME THE ENEMY and … oh, wait.
(Sadly, it’s true. They’re totally buying people off so we don’t flip out on them. Dude, I didn’t even have to give them a RECEIPT to prove what I paid for them. They just fired me off a check, and I didn’t even have to ASK. They were, within five seconds of the call, “Well, let us reimburse you for those diapers!” ORILLY PAMPERS?)
(I’m done with Pampers. Forever. Up yours, PG&E I mean, P&G (wow, someone watched Erin Brockovich one too many times). But you are also totally right that if you DIDN’T reimburse me, things would be even more hideous. Am sheep!)
– Have you been to Style Lush lately? If you were wondering about the L’Oreal EverPure line, which I was, I tried it out and LOVED IT. Go check it, and all the other great stuff there, out.
– Still shredding. Can now move quadriceps, but my calves are still screaming in agony after cardio circuit one and it’s the ONLY THING that will force me to stay at level 1 for the entire month. THE ONLY THING. Well, that, and I’d like to live. That, too.
*Dire Straits
January 26th, 2010